February 12, 2008

February 12, 2008

When it comes to love and marriage one of the biggest conflicts in a relationship is over money.

• Money values are passed down from our parents, relatives and friends.  How we feel about money is the results of how we were brought up and has a big impact on our lives as adults. Money can equal love, power, self esteem, happiness, security depending on how you were raised.
• For example the overindulged child may have a great deal of entitlement as an adult and want the best of everything, whether or not he can earn enough to pay for it all. On other hand, a person who grew up with very little may pinch a penny very tightly and deny herself and her family comforts that they can afford.  Both are behaviors that can cause conflict in a relationship, particularly when each partner has a different money personality.

Tips for talking about money issues with your partner:

• If this is a new relationship that is heading toward marriage, come clean about your finances.  Talk about your credit history, your debt and your earning potential.
• Learn your money personality and talk with your spouse about how you feel about money.  Understand your strengths and weaknesses as well as your partners.  A good tool is Dr. Kathleen Gurney’s Moneymax questionnaire that assigns you a money personality based on your responses.  It is free and takes about 10 minutes to complete.  Visit http://kathleengurney.com/
• If you have very different values about money learn to manage the conflict and communicate often. Create an “ours” budget for the family to cover expenses. Then create “a don’t ask fund” for each partner that has a discretionary amount to spend on whatever they want.  One might shop until it is gone. The other could save every dime if he wanted.  The point is that you have some independence to spend or save money guilt-free.

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